My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
