I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
