dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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