My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
