Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
