sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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