I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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