yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
