shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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