Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
