Nicole vs. Life
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
