So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
