At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
