She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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