just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
