Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
