pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
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