our cab driver is having phone sex.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
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