You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
