I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize
