Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
The air was thick with penises
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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