I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
