we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
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