I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
