its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
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you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
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why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
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