The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
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