so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
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