sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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