Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Randomize
