What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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