He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
