i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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