If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
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