And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
