I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Randomize
