I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
These 19 People Are Into The Grossest Sex Fetishes
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
People Weigh In On Whether It’s Okay to Bang Your Roommate
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.