Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
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Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
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He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.