guys are not supposed to queef...right?
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue