i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize
