You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
