Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
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