First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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