One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
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