ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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