What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Randomize
