hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
