Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
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