Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
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