some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
