So drunk its hurt
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Randomize
