I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
