Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize
