...so i touched it.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize
