You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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