Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
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