margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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