he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
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