Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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