Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
