Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
