My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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