Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Randomize
