I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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