You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
I'm really busy with my period
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