we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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