he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Randomize
