he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Randomize
