If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
