His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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