one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Randomize
