Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
