So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I enjoy the company of your penis
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
