apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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