I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
