textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
