I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize