Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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