I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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