She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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