I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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